Saturday, August 27, 2011

I'm a lover, and a fighter.

I think that I'm hulled up in bed this morning for a very real reason probably mostly to do with the man outside cleaning up the neighborhood trees who is pushing sixty and serious stalker status. I was gonna go to help my mother with her bean situation but my ride is just shitty enough that I probably shouldn't go anywhere I don't have to.

There's hope that I'll get a sitter for tonight to watch the fights with my favorite person on the planet these days. I used to really abhor UFC and all it stood for, but there's this really interesting dynamic at play in the ring and I'm captivated by it. I still believe that the only two true forms of human connection are fighting and fucking so obviously you can see why I would finally find myself on the other end of this thing.

I think it's about being open to it. I'm not just going to sit around here and pretend like I'm all lover and no fighter. That would be a lie. I have enough rage to choke a rhino.

I think realizing this has been difficult, but now that I'm open to it, I'm accepting it... I fight. I have to. All the time.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Ready or not it's still bad for you

But so is everything else.



It would be faster to suck on a tail pipe though

I could sit here, idle, or I could row

I can't' believe how positive everyone seems

Pure white light, such radiant beams


There was a time when I was the only positive person I knew

Where I couldn't fathom that sort of blue

and now I'm secretly stuck in a constant state

of what I can only call sudden hate


I'd say more, but I can't.

The words are still froth

dissolving on the tip of my chin

to be licked away by my present day

Why bother, what's really to say


It wouldn't matter anyway


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Halfway - a broken question on a broken road.

I've gone beyond halfway.
I'm so much more than half way.
It's the end of a road
a road I designed
and have hated
and cherished miserably
for helping me to avoid my misery.

I wonder how many people
chase a dream they never had
just for sport

Too many, I think...
far too many.


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Ex(tra)perience.

I remember things I'd like to forget
and forget the things I'd like to remember.
Almost usually.
There are exceptions.

Wind sailing through hair
under half a bowling ball
ears ringing from biting

Ohio's wondrous August chill
blackened trees swirl and blur
trying to show themselves through the
pale reflection of the moon's constant struggle

The ride halted
bodies emerge
merging ageless
between perfect rows of heightened corn
and the wild, wooded land

the road expands
exploded for the moment
and contracts
orgasmically

pushed out of the foraging forest
into civility and convenience
where cell phone stuck world haters
absorb the dawn haplessly

watching with abandon
to abandon again
homeward

asleep
and living
smallest hour
dreamlike
I will remember
even if I forget













Tuesday, August 9, 2011

salvation

To be completely honest I thought it was the ugliest yarn I'd ever seen, and I find nearly all yarn enjoyable. It was given to me by a sweet 94 year old woman who still lives on her own and goes to the YMCA three times a week to swim and socialize. I gave the purposeless yarn a purpose and the final product is riddled with mistakes. Mistakes I could've easily fixed. Mistakes that were chosen to remain to serve as a reminder that purpose comes from the most unexpected places, and that mistakes are not only inevitable, but that they offer a certain quality of character that would otherwise not exist. After twisting it to it's imperfect perfection, I sent it somewhere, where it is loved. It seems there is salvation, after all.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Touche

Where ever I go, there I am.
It is what it is.

No shit. Have a sit. I have things to say.

Well I used to.



I can't take any more.

I imagine the free fall.

A certain tie to death, yet... an absolute freedom... then darkness.


They say it makes me crazy. I say it makes them ignorant.

Or maybe I'm the ignorant one. I can recall believing that this was just that when... well, nevermind that. It's not like I'm even capable of such inhumanity anyway. It's all just a grand and glorious distraction from the things I'd rather not face, knowing all the while I must not only face them but lay with them, mingle with them, overtake them, and walk right through them.

I have to wonder though... It keeps me alive.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

To day

To day,

Please move quickly through the grueling bits, or don't be so grueling.

Please breathe easy.

Please wake up.

Please catch up.

Please smile.

Please see.

Thanks a million four hundred and three,

Much love, always,
Love, Me.